How Closing Your 3 Gaps - Beliefs, Values, and Time - Dramatically Improves Your Life and Work
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Part of the series “Living and Working Better”

Almost 10 years ago now, I embarked on a yearlong qualitative research study for my first book Breakdown, Breakthrough on how women experience what they perceive to be professional “crisis,” and how they overcome it. More than one hundred riveting personal interviews later, complete with intimate, revealing details on how professional women transform all aspects of their lives, I began to conceptualize something I call our “power gaps” – gaps in how we humans view ourselves, and in our internal power, capabilities, energy, and interpersonal relationships – that keep us from the living the lives we dream of. After conducting this research, I became convinced (and remain so) that closing our power gaps is the single most life-altering activity that paves the way to greater success, happiness, power and purpose in our lives.

So when I heard about a new book called The 3 Gaps, I was intrigued and wanted to learn more. Written by Hyrum W. Smith, Founder of 3Gaps, The 3 Gaps explores how achieving a meaningful, fulfilling, and impactful life is a straightforward process by addressing the three key root causes of stress, dissatisfaction, and pain, which drain our life’s energy that we need to make a difference: the gaps between where we are and where we want to be. Smith is a distinguished author, speaker, and businessman who was one of the original creators of the popular Franklin Day Planner. For four decades, he has been empowering people to effectively govern their personal and professional lives. He is the author of several nationally-acclaimed books, including The 10 Natural Laws of Successful Time and Life Management, What Matters Most, The Modern Gladiator, and You Are What You Believe.

I asked Hyrum to share more about the 3 gaps – beliefs, values and time – and how we can close those gaps to live happier lives.

Kathy Caprino: First of all, Hyrum, why did you write this book? What’s the backstory?

Hyrum Smith: On May 18, 1995, my two daughters were driving home from Salt Lake City. My daughter Sharwan was twenty- four years old and three weeks away from her wedding. My daughter Stacie was twenty-five years old, and she had her two-year-old daughter with her in the car. While traveling down I-15 in Utah, they had an accident that rolled the car. Sharwan was killed instantly. My granddaughter, Shilo, was thrown from the car, killing her instantly as well. Somehow, Stacie survived. For the first time in my life, I experienced very deep, unbelievable pain. Everyone on the planet has to deal with some pain. Regardless of that fact, misery does not have to be a part of it. If you choose misery, you’re done. I have learned that we all want to make a difference, to be significant or to make a contribution in some way so as to alleviate suffering or to make the world a better place. Dealing effectively with your 3 Gaps helps you do this.

Caprino: Can you share a bit more about what you see are the three gaps?

Smith: Sure, Kathy. The three gaps are as follows–

The Values Gap: Each of us has a gap between what we value most in life and where we invest our time and energy. Whether we identify it or not, that gap creates dissatisfaction and unhappiness in our life.

The Beliefs Gap: From the time we are born, through the end of our lives, we accumulate beliefs about how the world works and how we should relate to it. Each of the beliefs we have accepted produces a certain kind of behavior in our lives. Not all of those behaviors meet our needs.

The Time Gap: Everyone sets certain goals in life. Some do it annually. Others do it more or less often. In order to achieve these goals, we must plan ahead and work our plan. Many of us succumb to the siren song that says “I don’t have enough time” to do what I need to do.

Caprino: How exactly do “gaps” in these areas form, and how do they impact our happiness and fulfillment?

Smith: Gaps form when where we are and where we want to be do not match up. These gaps in our lives drain the power needed to make a positive difference in the world. When we close the Three Gaps we earn the right to serenity, balance, and harmony in our lives, which will in turn increase our capacity to make a real difference in the world.

Caprino: You speak about belief gaps often beginning in childhood. How do we parent our children so these gaps don’t form?

Smith: As a father of 5, I can say there isn’t a way to parent so that children do not have gaps form in their lives, since they will have experiences away from their parents and will receive information from other people (kids hear things from their friends that they swear are true all of the time, but which are not true). Parents can, however, help their children understand that gaps exist, and teach them how to close the gaps by walking them through the processes.

Caprino: So as adults, how can we close each of these gaps, effectively and quickly?

Smith: First, if you find that you have a belief gap (a belief that is producing behavior that is not meeting your needs), you need to take four essential steps.

1. Recognize the pain

First you need to admit that there is behavior in your life that is causing pain, stress, or chaos. (It is often easier to identify the pain than it is to see the behavior that is causing it).

2. Admit change is needed

You will have to admit that you must change yourself in order to improve your life.

3. Ask yourself why

Then you need to ask yourself why you are behaving in a way that leads to the negative results. (This will surface the belief at the root of the problem.)

4. Finally, identify an alternative.

For example, if you run away from dogs because you think dogs are dangerous, switch the belief to “most dogs are friendly.” Lastly, enact the change.

To determine if you have a values gap, first identify your governing values. I like to use an exercise called the “I-beam Exercise” to help do this. If I had a 6-inch wide I-beam a hundred feet off the ground in a storm and asked you to cross it, what would you cross it for? Money? Your children? What you would risk your life for to cross is your governing value.

Next, write a clarifying statement describing exactly what your governing values mean to you, then rank them. With your values identified, clarified, and prioritized, consider the gap between what you value most and what you actually do in life.

To tackle a time gap, spend 15 minutes every day to plan your day. Do it by finding a quiet place, finding inspiration (such as through meditation or prayer or whatever process works for you), reviewing your values, integrating your long-range goals (making sure long-range plans show up in what you’re planning for short-term), and listing your appointments and tasks.

Caprino: Please share a bit more about beliefs. How do these keep us from, say, getting a promotion or moving ahead or creating more happiness?

Smith: Your beliefs drive your behavior. A belief that leads to “good” results (results that are positive and beneficial to you) is one to keep. A belief that leads to “bad” results (results that are negative or damaging to you) needs to be replaced. It will not meet your needs over time.

Anytime you’re getting results that are causing long-term harm, such as missing promotions, experiencing unemployment, losing important relationships, struggling with your weaknesses or addictions, or any other form of missing out on things that are important to you, the gap between what you believe will meet your needs and what will actually do so is too wide.

For example, if you believe that drinking relaxes you and makes you more socially adept, you may try that a few times; it may even work the way you intend it to. But many people have found that, over time, the results from that belief do great damage to their relationships, employment, and mental health. Remember, results take time to measure.

Caprino: How can we employ this model for change to better manage/control our time?

Smith: I have a control model that categorizes events as those over which you have no, some, and total control. Using this model to categorize events can empower people to control responses to the situations they encounter.

What are the events over which you have no control? Weather, death, taxes, and traffic, to name a few. Think about the feelings that you experience when you are up against these kinds of events: frustration, stress, anxiety, maybe even some depression. The feelings that you likely have are not pleasant. The bottom line is, when you are out of control, you probably don’t feel very good.

People who master event control begin the process of closing the Time Gap in their lives. They put their time to better use and the gap between what they want to do with their time and how they actually spend that time starts to close.

Caprino: What do you think are the 15 most important minutes of our day and how should we spend them?

Smith: Since 1984, I have been motivating individuals to gain better control of their personal and professional lives through values-based time and life management. (I am a co-creator of the Franklin Day Planner). And over those three decades of experience, I have found the most important 15 minutes of the day are those spent on daily planning.

Those 15 minutes carefully invested at the beginning of every day, will close the gap— every day— between what you want to get done and what you actually do.

Caprino: And how can closing gaps improve one’s productivity?

Smith: So many of us are experiencing incongruity in our lives where we have veered off the path of what matters most and have lost our way. By applying the steps in The 3 Gaps, we can find more inner peace and change ourselves. We will no longer have gaps draining our energy and can re-direct that energy to make a difference—in our personal and professional lives.

For more information, visit http://www.3gaps.com.

Read the original article on Forbes.